If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say... A Vent!

I had an interesting night last night. It prompted me to decide to never attend a company happy hour again.

I knew that there would be some naysayers when J and I got engaged. We are very lucky to have a completely supportive group of family and friends. Still, I knew that there would be people that didn't understand and people that would think that we're crazy.

With that in mind, I assumed a simple "I'm very excited to be getting married, but thank you for sharing your opinion" would be enough to stop the comments. Apparently I was wrong. Last night while at happy hour, one of my co-workers sat down next to me and told me that he needed to talk to me about my engagement. Keep in mind- I've only met him twice before. I'm still not exactly sure why he thought that my personal life was open to discussion in the first place. He then proceeded to tell me that I will be making a huge mistake; that I need to wait for someone who has this, that, and the other; that I'm too young to know what I want; that he knows he's not my father but since I don't have a father to tell me this stuff he was going to do it; etc. Needless to say, I was angry. I was so angry at one point, that I was shaking. There were many times while he was talking that I told him that I would be getting married anyway, that I loved my fiance very much, and that my family supports this decision. I tried moving to sit next to someone else, and as soon as I came back from the restroom he started going off again! Finally I just started laughing. There really are some people that just don't get it.

Another one of my favorite things that I've heard- "Well if it doesn't work out, you can always get a divorce." Is that supposed to be supportive?!

Argh!

Out of Hibernation

I find it odd that I can type just fine while listening to music, but only if I just have one of my headphones in. When both are in, chaos ensues in my brain. It's especially strange because when I only have one in, I can hear all of the conversations going on in the office and there's even more audio stimulation going on. Maybe one day I'll have to research the scientific explanation for that.

I haven't really updated this thing in a while because I haven't really known what to say. During day one I was kind of an emotional mess. Each day I've missed him more, but it's been getting progressively easier. Today is the fifth day that he's been gone, and for the most part I'm honestly doing alright. It was helpful that I knew about the situation before I even met him. I knew exactly what I would be getting into, so it's not like I was blindsided. The other thing that turned out to be a blessing in disguise is that he was underway a lot. It sucked at the time, but it was almost like conditioning. It has made this time a little bit more bearable so I'm thankful for that.

Another thing that has been really helpful for me is knowing that he really wants to be doing this. I know that he didn't want to leave me or be away from his family for so long, but he's doing what he feels he has to do and I'm very proud of him for that. When he got his new uniforms, he was sooo excited. When he put them on and came out I told him that he looked good in them to which he replied, "But you can't see me!" So silly, but it was very cute. I know that if he didn't get to go he'd be disappointed and so I'm happy to support him and be here waiting with all of the other military wives, fiancee's, and girlfriends.

In other news, wedding planning is making me crazy. There are about 10,000,000 details that go into one day, and that's about 9,999,900 more details than I want to deal with. I'm grateful to have this wedding to plan because it's something productive to think about and plan on while he's away- but seriously?!? I'm about to do some serious delegation. It's a good thing that we're keeping this thing relatively small. I am looking forward to dress shopping today. I know it's still a little early so I don't really expect to find the dress today, but I want to get a good idea of what's out there to make sure that the one I do end up getting is the one that I want. Maybe I'll post pictures of the rejected dresses.

Thanksgiving

I was genuinely happy before I met Jon, and there really wasn't any reason that I shouldn't have been. I had (and still have) a great relationship with God, a really good job, awesome friends, a sweet dog, and the best family anyone could ask for. I was always busy and never lonely. I wasn't seeking a romantic relationship because I just didn't feel like I needed one. When Jon and I started messaging back and forth, I thought that I was probably about to gain another great friend. Even though (by reading his messages and browsing his profile) I thought that he would be perfect for me, there wasn't anything really in our messages to each other that was overtly flirtacious. Besides, I wasn't looking anyway.Everything changed when we met in person. From the beginning it was like there was a force pushing us together. We were practically inseperable. Even though it might sound crazy- I knew he was the one within a week. I was happy by myself, but I was fortunate enough to be able to find someone that makes me feel so much better than I do when I'm alone.
Last Thursday night when he took me for a walk I wasn't expecting too much more than that, besides for him to give me a project that he had been working on. It turns out that project was a poem. He started to read it to me, and I couldn't stop smiling because it was the sweetest poem ever. I couldn't figure out why he was nervous though. When he got to the end, he had to start the whole thing over because he couldn't finish it. It turns out that he was nervous because the very last line of the poem contained a proposal!!!!!!! What else could I say besides, "of course!!"
So this Thanksgiving, I am blessed with being able to add him to the list of the many, many things I have to be thankful for. I am and always have been thankful to be blessed with amazing family and friends. They are the most amazing people I know. I have a good stable job that provides me with excellent benefits. I have a home to live in, plenty to eat, and things that seem little that I sometimes take for granted- like electricity and hot water.New for this year though, I'm thankful to have been blessed with him. I never thought it would happen so soon- but I'm thankful to be engaged to be married to my best friend. I'm thankful to have found someone who has shown me the meaning of soul-mates and someone who will love and support me unconditionally. And on top of that I'm thankful for my future in-laws who are all great and have made me feel so welcome this week. They already feel like family to me. I'm looking forward to the chance to continue to get to know them better.
And of course, I'm so excited for the many Thanksgivings to come with my soul-mate by my side!

Untitled

Recently I fell in love with a song called "Storm" by Lifehouse. I know that they are a Christian group so a lot of their songs are intended to be worship songs. This one is related to hard times. The words and the music are so simple but so beautiful and it has quickly made its way to my top 25 most played songs.
Anywho, the lyrics are as follows:


How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form
The water is getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see You
everything would be alright
If I'd see You,
this darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water
and You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into Your eyes
and know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright.

I know You didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see You
everything would be alright
If I'd see You
this darkness would turn to light
And I would walk on water
and You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into Your eyes
and know everything will be alright

Reminiscing...

*I know that a lot of you have gotten the abbrieviated version of the "how we met" story, so if that was less than satisfactory- here's the ridiculously long version. Enjoy!

My MySpace profile had been private for as long as the option was available so when I changed it to public, I wasn't really sure what to expect. I got random messages often- some of which I responded to, most of which I did not. Every once in a while someone would send me a message that said more than, "hey whats up," but none of those messages were particularly interesting or from anyone that I really wanted to get to know. Before I go on to the next part of this story, I think that I should provide a little bit of a side story.

One day I got a message from a person that said something along the lines of, "What I can tell from your page is that you like to read and you support Obama [writers note: I actually voted for the losing team]. What else can I learn about you?" I had to hand it to the guy- it wasn't a bad opening line. It showed that he actually took the time to look at my page instead of just my pictures and it also showed interest. At the same time though, it got me wondering if he was dense or if I actually didn't have anything on my page that said anything about me. That inspired me to write a series of blogs called, "Where I Stand:" If you've been to my MySpace, you've probably noticed that the "series" consists of one blog so far, but the one that I have written so far has to do with my beliefs. It is by no means comprehensive and it was written quickly, but as the title suggests it gives a good general idea of where I stand.

Fast forward to five days after I wrote that blog and I opened my inbox. I saw that I had a message from this guy that basically said that he really liked what he read on my page and that he hoped to hear back from me sometime. I got his message pretty quickly after he sent it, but it took me a few hours to respond because I wasn't quite sure what I would say. When I looked at his page I was really surprised to find that everything that was on there made me think that he and I would be really compatible. I loved that his heroes showed that he's a Christian; his top friends showed that he's close with his family; his blogs showed creativity; his interests showed a sense of adventure, athleticism, and that he's laid back; and his "about me" showed confidence and humility at the same time. Then I go look at his pictures and was somehow not at all surprised to find out that he was very handsome.

Finally I respond to his message. The first message I sent him said something like, "Glad you liked my page. I liked what I saw on yours too." I realized that I didn't really say anything in that message. I decided that I should have given him something worth responding to, so I went back and sent him a new message that said, "So if you could be any animal in the world, what would you be?" Seriously...? That's the first question I thought of? Luckily for me he was a good sport and actually responded.
The next question that I asked him was, "If you had an year, expenses paid, to devote to something that you're passionate/excited about, what would you do/where would you go?" I think there's a possibility that a tiny part of me fell in love with him when I read his answer. After my mission to Africa a few years ago, I knew that I would have to go back. I think that I left a big part of myself there and I know that my work there isn't done, so when I read his response- that he would go to Africa or India or any place where the children could use help- I pretty much melted and knew that I had to meet this man in person.

Fast forward about a week and a half and I'm waking up at 8 in the morning(!) on Sunday to go to church for the first time in a long while. The plan was that we would each go to the 10 o'clock service at seperate churches and then meet up afterwards for coffee. Now I'm a pretty confident girl, but I was all nerves that day. Whoever got out of church last was supposed to call the other person, and looking back I wouldn't be surprised if he snuck out of his service a minute early so that he wouldn't have to be the one to call. After church got out I called him and told him where I thought we should meet up. I knew where he was parked, and I was too nervous to stand in front and wait so I started walking towards his bike. I could tell right away from the look on his face that I wasn't the only one who was nervous. Interestingly enough, his nerves resulted in him being pretty quiet whereas mine resulted in not being able to shut up. As nervous as I was, I genuinely enjoyed his company and was really pleased when coffee turned into lunch. All in all, I think we ended up spending close to 4 hours together that day. The end of our date brought about the most awkward good-bye ever. It's really cute now, but you would have had to have been there to understand the magnitude of the awkwardness. It would have taken a machete to cut through the tension.

Because I don't want this blog to turn into a novel, I'll go ahead and abbrieviate the next few dates. Essentially, we went to a Charger game and went on some really long and amazing walks. It was truly refreshing to find someone that I could talk to and listen to for hours on end, but also be completely comfortable with while walking in silence. I couldn't help but fall for him quickly, and it's felt completely right every minute.

*As a side note, some people have wondered aloud if we'll make it through this deployment and I just have to say that there is not a doubt in my mind that we will. I know that God brought us together for a purpose. I suspect it may be because getting through this will bring so much strength to our relationship and it will teach us to really and truly appreciate being close to each other. Maybe there will be times where we'll feel broken to our cores, but as long as we realize that Jesus provides all of the comfort that we need, I'm sure we'll do just fine.

Deep Breaths

J will be getting back tonight from what was supposed to be his last trip underway before he leaves for Texas. I'm not really sure what time he'll be getting back... his first estimate was 1630 and that came and went three hours ago. I talked to him about twenty minutes ago and he said that he will call me when he gets off and that it shouldn't be too much longer. He also had some fun news- he'll be leaving again in the morning for another 8 days. Needless to say, I'm very frustrated.

I guess the only point of this post was to vent, so I guess I'll consider myself vented. Off to go pick him up. More venting later...

Civic Responsibility and What John McCain and I Have In Common

This morning I woke up at 4:30, got dressed and ready, and started my workday bright and early at 6 a.m. Those of you who know me personally know that I am not a morning person, so the fact that I was in a good mood was highly unusual.

I started my day off with a nice walk into work. I haven't been parking near my house because of the damned parking enforcement (I KNOW MY REGISTRATION IS EXPIRED!!!!!), and have instead been leaving my car in the underground parking garage at the office. It actually works out rather well because the office is only three or four blocks from my house and a little extra walking is always good. It sprinkled a little bit on my way in, which was actually kind of nice. I wore boots and a royal blue pea coat today and felt glad that it finally is starting to feel like Fall!

After I got into the office and made sure that the air conditioner repair people were set up and ready to go, I left to go exercise my civic responsibility/privilege as a citizen and VOTE! Today was my first time voting in a major election and I honestly felt a sense of honor and pride as I approached my polling station. On the way in, I was approached by a man who handed me a "No on 8" flier. I don't happen to share his views but I thought to myself that it's a wonderful country that we live in where, instead of killing each other to find out who is "right," we can take a vote on an issue to decide.
I got to my polling place a little after seven and there were already about 20 people ahead of me, most of whom were also all smiles. As I looked around I wondered about the others standing in line with me. I wondered who they were voting for and where they stood on key issues. I wondered how many of them had strong convictions and how many were just coasting through. I remember looking at the guy in front of me and thinking, "This guy is a character. He's definitely voting Nader." (I know, I know. To assume makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me") In all seriousness though- it was a great feeling to stand and smile with a group of people who probably don't share all the same views as me, but who still share a common love of democracy and recognize that it's our civic duty to get out there and vote.

As I was thinking over all of these things, I thought more about the democracy that is our government and I started to feel a renewed sense of gratitude for our military. On my MySpace page under heroes it says, "...every man and woman who has protected my freedom (and yours too)." I've always felt thankful for our military (nature vs. nurture... is it my military lineage or is it all of the military members I've had in my life since birth?) but I've never really given long hard thought to exactly what it is that "protecting our freedom" entails. Today after voting, I gained a little bit of comprehension. If not for all of our military, both past and present, our democracy as we know it wouldn't exist.

I've spent some time in the last few weeks thinking about whether or not being in the military is a job that I could actually do. I even went so far as to fill out the preliminary application to the United States Naval Academy. I received a letter back from them yesterday that said that I was accepted as an official candidate for the class of 2013. Though it wasn't an acceptance to the university, I still felt proud to have recieved the same letter as John McCain would have received, among other great people. Ultimately, I decided that the renunciations neccessary are ones that I don't think that I would be willing to make. That fact made me appreciate those who did make those sacrifices even more.

It's 5 o'clock now and I'm getting ready to leave the office. Despite the fact that I have been here for many hours, the work that I did today was not strenuous. It also was not dangerous and whether it was particularly beneficial to anybody but myself remains to be seen. If this sounds like you, or if anything else that I've written resonates with you at all, please take a minute sometime to say "Thank You" to a vet. If you really want, you can even wait until next Tuesday when you'll have all day off from work or school in observance of Veteran's Day.